Friends

lately i have been trying to be truly honest with people about how i feel about them or how they make me feel about something. i used to never be like that - i was always very guarded and evasive and would blatantly lie to people just to have them like me better. i used to not want to know if someone didn't like me. i think i've done a lot to change that...idk i've been working on being more honest with myself and with other people and telling them exactly how i feel or how i think they're reacting to a situation and why.

i think that it's better to be honest with people. i mean obviously if they look fat you have to be like OMG NO YOU LOOK GREAT OMG - but other things. more important things. i always try to be honest, i'll even go so far as to hurt someone's feelings a little if i think it will help them - not too much though, hopefully. i care about my real life relationships very much.

( a post in which I recount albums that came to me highly anticipated, and ended up being a big pile of wanh-wahhhh. )

Stay tuned for a more uplifting "High Points of 2009 (in music)"

because i went to an all girls boarding school for four years i guess i forgot that some people still begrudge certain girls for being put together and - OH GOD NO! - intelligent. i'm sorry that i can get by in your class with minimal effort and still make more informed comments than half the people in the room and that you may or may not be intimidated by a girl who is not a complete jizz rag retard.

the truth is that i enjoy knowing information about a broad range of topics for purely narcissistic reasons. i like being able to understand things. i hate feeling confused or stupid, so i make a substantial effort to make sure that doesn't happen. BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF ANYONE EVER FUCKING DISRESPECTS ME FOR SPEAKING UP IN CLASS OR TALKS DOWN TO ME BECAUSE I AM A GIRL I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL RIP YOU NO LESS THAN SEVEN NEW ASSHOLES.

i don't think i'm out of line for being flabbergasted because a professor
1) refuses to read over my paper drafts
2) dodges every request i have made for any bit of help
3) speaks condescendingly towards me
4) YELLS AT ME IN CLASS AND SAYS HE WILL BE DOCKING MY PARTICIPATION GRADE BECAUSE I MADE ONE OFFHAND COMMENT ABOUT FUCKING THETANS.

THETANS ARE FUNNY. SCIENTOLOGY IS FUNNY. IF WE ARE HAVING A DISCUSSION (OR AS MUCH "DISCUSSION" AS YOU ALLOW) ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY IT IS NOT OUT OF LINE TO SAY "MY THETAN LEVELS ARE OFF THE CHARTS TODAY". YOU CAN SUCK ME AND ALL MY THETANS' DICKS!


ITT MAKE JOKES ABOUT THETANS OR COMMENT ON HOW I AM TURNING INTO triedthistwice.

ON APRIL 26 2010 I AM GOING TO BE IN NEW YORK CITY SEEING MY FAVORITE BAND PLAY THEIR FIRST ALBUM IN ITS ENTIRETY. BONUS TRACKS AND ALL.




THIS IS A GIFT FROM GOD HIMSELF. I AM LITERALLY ROLLING AROUND WITH HAPPINESS.

i love this song and i especially love how (in my opinion lol) there's a slight michael jackson moment around 3:48.


sooooo i guess i don't update my journal that much. i haven't really been up to to many things. i got a new job working for abercrombie and fitch. basically my position is the person who stands in the front of the store looking disinterested and then is like "hey, how's it going?" when you walk in. that's word for word what they told me i have to do. i applied for the job on a whim, and because i find their company dynamics hilarious. they completely capitalize on people's insecurities and desire to be considered "cool", and the brand is so blatantly racist and classist and they're not even a "luxury" brand. it's in the danbury mall for god's sake. anyway i thought it was hilarious. there are so many more hilarious regulations that they told me when i was hired, it was hard for me to keep a straight face, but i'm excited about it in my own way.

ummmmm what else. i almost died in an explosion the other day. well not really, but if i had been standing maybe 75 feet from where i actually was, then i would have been dead. one of the electrical transformers at the white plains train station completely malfunctioned and blew up, the power lines snapped etc etc. it was kind of weird. the train came like 30 seconds later so i guess it didn't mess up any of the train signals or....idek i'm not a mass transit master.

on a different note i was really confused/amused/idk? by all the anons yesterday saying that my voice is nothing like what they assumed it would sound like. i mean i'm used to it because i talk to myself all the time but - yeah. i'm not sure why but i found it strange. i have a low voice and a slight new york/ct accent. i pronounce water like "wudder" - which is the true testament to a ny area accent i feel like.

i really don't have a lot to say which is why i'm talking about a lot of things at once but without having any actual thoughts to offer on anything.

are any of you guys done with school yet? (not mary because i dont care about your life)
any plans for the break? i want to re-watch all of planet earth and all of the pride and prejudice miniseries while i'm on vacation. i have off for all of january so really i could, theoretically, do anything.


EDIT: and to make this more fun, if you want, i'm gonna turn off IP logging and you can ask me whatever kind of question you want. or something. literally anything! well maybe not anything....lol.

in this post - i put weave in my hair, i do my nails to look like watermelons.

( Look at where you be in hair weaves like europeans & fake nails done by koreans )

anon said i need a new post. and how!

what's new in my life? almost nothing. i finished Proust a while ago and Infinite Jest is almost done. anyone who claims that IJ isn't full of SAT words is full of shit; i've got my $60.00 American Heritage dictionary open in front of me at all times while reading. i look up the definition, put it in my phone, and every week or so do a "phone dump" where i write all the words on a piece of paper. my latest phone dump (comprising maybe the last 200 pages of the book): lemme check... over 150 words. for the record, this isn't a hassle; i consider this an auxiliary facet of enjoyment. cucumbers (and wishwishwish? or wow_owls? i forget), holler.

and i've been watching a few movies, but i've also been tweeting about 'em, so hmmm. (BUT IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN: it is essential that you watch Inglourious Basterds, The Machinist, Oldboy, and The Prestige).

oh, they moved me to a new Subway. something about a verbal (or literal?) slapfight between two girls that necessitated a swap-out. so i miss my old coworkers, but on the plus side, this new store's much smaller and much more ghetto (insofar as any part of Green, Ohio can be considered "ghetto," which it can't), meaning i get to goof off much more often. just kidding, i'm a model employee. seriously. the only times i slacked off were at the old store--we had a TV and a DVD player, and my top two choices were Elton John in concert and The Eagles in concert, and any time "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" or "Desperado" would come on, my pace would slow considerably and i'd make absent-minded mistakes like forgetting to ask whether it's toasted before putting the steak on the bread. i'd enter this foggy mental fugue for the duration of the song. and that wasn't even slacking off; that was being rattled by a great melody and a poignant lyric.

so maybe you're wondering about the band. maybe one or two of you. i'm happy to announce that recording will be entirely wrapped up within a week or so. mixing and mastering will follow shortly thereafter. and then rehearsals and all sorts of other bullshit, AND THEN--the road. by which point it'll have been 1.5 years since we last toured. sad, so sad. really, i've just been biding my time in anticipation--my drum parts were finished so long ago that i don't even remember who i was when i played them. was i an entirely different person? very likely. so this has been a sort of agonizing process for me (speaking of which, thanks for bearing with me on lj and twitter)--if i haven't pointed it out to you, consider the cruel irony in how i joined the band because i love playing drums, and how little drums i've actually played in the past three years. even on the road, 25 minutes per night is less than i would've been playing had i stayed in college. the bullshit-to-music ratio in professional music turns out to have been pretty extreme (or the "hurry up and wait" factor, which we used to say in marching band). but anyway. there's a piece of my soul for you. all i've wanted for the past half a year has been to get back out on the road and reconnect with our twenty-to-thirty fans across the country. hopefully that's sooner than later. but rest assured that things are happening. big things. and you'll be hearing about them in... say... a month or so?

to refer back to an earlier tweet (the nature of my tweeting is so blithe and sarcastic that my most deadly-serious tweets pass unnoticed), my life has felt like the first four bars of The Hollies' "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" on repeat for months:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1KtScrqtbc

or, maybe more accurately, the entire melody, which comes in for the first and last time at 3:18.

but mainly:

*~*~*~ OT POST ~*~*~*

EDIT: i forgot to add something. bear with me: i joined this band (or, i guess, co-founded this band) in the September of 2005 because i love playing the drums, and i did a whole lot of that for a while. but the drumming tapered off after leaving the road last August and by now it seems like the one reason i joined--DFW would've called it my raison d'être in the band--has vanished altogether, aside from the 1.5 months i spent tracking in the studio back in July. instead of being in college or on the road, i've been shuffling back and forth between floors and couches (occasionally using my own hoodie as a pillow), enduring a cruel Chicago winter and a crueler Chicago summer (no A/C, just a broken fan in the apartment i shared with Max), subsisting on either the gracious hospitality of various sets of parents or money piped in from my dad (with all the attendant [self-imposed] guilt) that went towards rent and a modicum of lentils and potatoes. and now i'm back home, putting pieces of turkey onto pieces of bread, with hardly any friends to speak of. not the most hellish of hells that mankind has endured, granted, but still a far cry from the insular comforts of college (the absence of which, of course, i only began to feel in hindsight). point being, this whole time, there's been exactly one thing keeping this operation a no-brainer, and that's the album. had the album turned out to be anything less than it is, i really can't say what i'd have done. but the album's really, really, really fucking good. it frustrates me to know that when i use words like "epochal" or "monolithic" to describe it, the words will barely register with anyone; they'll think "right, right, every band says that." which they do, i know. all i'm saying is that when i listen through the makeshift version of the album that i've assembled for myself--demos, takes without vocals, takes with scratch vocals, etc.--even then, even before the thing's completed and mixed and mastered, my mind is basically a scrolling marquee in 72-pt. font that says "HOLY SHIT" over and over. timeless songs, timeless melodies, hair-raising guitar solos, hit after hit after hit. i'm stunned every time i listen through. so anyway. this isn't a plug (how many people read my journal, anyway?)--i'm just trying to explain more or less why i've been on lj and twitter so much, why i've been working at Subway for the past few months, etc. i can say without even thinking about it that i've never been more excited for something in my life than the release of American Machine. pardon the tl;dr.